Grace.  Oh Gracie!  Your Aunt Emily wrote something that made me realize a lot of things.  I am completely overwhelmed with gratitude as I write this to you, sweet baby.  God has COMPLETELY changed my life from a year ago.  Completely.  One year ago, I didn’t have these sweet friends.  I didn’t think I was worthy of having friends.  I was “too busy”, “too closed off”, “too stressed” and so many reasons I would make up for just not being good enough to deserve that kind of love.  I was lost.  I didn’t believe it was possible to have the friends I always dreamed about - friends who loved their families and loved goodness and helping other people and truth made me laugh at my big “failures” and loved God with so much passion and supported me and who I loved fully right back. Friends who are imperfect and love me even though I’m imperfect, too. Friends who are broken and humbled every day and full of drive to make big things happen in their lives.  Friends who fall apart and get back up.  Friends who pick you up when you fall apart, too… even when they are exhausted or covered in baby food or flat on the floor themselves.  Sometimes, we meet each other “on the floor” when we’re all broken to pieces.  We help put each other back together, Gracie.  We help remind each other that God has everything already taken care of.  We remind each other to give thanks in ALL things.  I promise to do that for you, too.  We have so much to be grateful for.  I read your Aunt Emily’s words and my heart jumped for joy with gratitude! 

And then a text from your Aunt Gina moments later that hit me like a lightning bolt straight from the man upstairs… ‘Remember the beautiful tears shed in Gma Bunny’s church.  Amazing amazing GRACE!’  One of my most vivid memories.  It was last November.  Less than a year ago.  I had met Emily and Gina in Houston just days before.  It was the first time we’d really gotten to know each other well.  And there we were, just days later, at church in Irvine, CA, singing Amazing Grace, tears streaming down our faces, in awe of how God was working in our lives. Little one, the amazing thing is that you are set to be born on this same day in November.  Almost exactly a year before you will be born was a day that brought mommy and these wonderful friends close together.  A day that changed our hearts.  We watched Emily walk down the aisle to take communion.  She was carrying Bman in her belly, who I can’t wait for you to meet!  He’s really cute and you should marry him : )  Aunt Emily slowly walked and sang and that picture in my mind is one of the most beautiful memories I have.  None of us will ever forget that day, little one.  Your dad had flown in and met us later that day. We all went to have pizza with Grandma Bunny and laughed and laughed together.  It was so much fun.  Two days later, Aunt Gina and Aunt Emily and I all stood on a beach in Maui with a pretty lady who also became one of our best friends… Natalie Norton.  Your Aunt Natalie is an amazing woman and mommy.  She has a heart as big as the Pacific Ocean that we crossed to meet her for the first time.  The four of us have become real friends, Gracie.  The kind I only dreamed of.  The kind I never thought possible. 

And somehow tonight it all hit me.  All things are possible through Christ.  ALL things. These three friends helped give me the courage to have you.  They pray for you so much.  They love you more than words.  They send me little happy messages and sing funny songs and send sweet gifts and letters and so many things to remind us that we are so loved and that God is good.  God is so good and I’m so grateful.  Little one, I pray that you find girlfriends like them someday, too.  And I promise to teach you that it’s possible.  All you have to do is be yourself.  You are worthy of great friends and real love.  You are more than enough already.  For the longest time I thought real friends just didn’t exist for people like me.  I am in awe.  Speechless tonight reflecting on the journey that got me to here.  Just a year ago… such a different life.  And there are so many more sweet friends now!  Oh so many who have loved and cared for me and prayed for you and lift my heart every single day.  A year ago, I didn’t have this peace.  I didn’t have the strong love that your dad and I have right now.  Aunt Emily said it perfectly… [Thanks] to God for writing my story even though I always try and take the pen.  So many times I lost hope and just didn’t believe these blessings were possible.  A year ago, I said I wanted to wait another five years or so to have a baby.  Well, God had a perfect plan, little one.  His plans are always way better than mine!!  We stood in church and sang to the Lord and continued to grow together… day by day… we continued to pull each other to what matters most…  to that wonderful God of ours who made the sky and painted the pretty flowers you will soon smell and created your little feet that are kicking me right now and who gave us the very sweet gift of friends.  Amazing amazing grace!

P.S. One of our sweet friends, your wonderful Aunt Nancy, took some pretty pictures of you in my belly.  She’s also going to be there for your first day (and hours) of life.  I’m so excited for that day!