Now that the cat’s out of the bag…

The email I sent to my best friends - Emily, Natalie, Gina and Marissa - when I first found out:

Last night I went to CVS bought a packet of Chiclets.  My favorite gum from when I was a kid. I also bought a pregnancy test.  I’ve been feeling all sorts of weird.  Heart rushing, an odd calm, peaceful.  Either an elf has been punching me in the chest at night or I did a heavy chest day in the gym without knowing it or…

I took it.  

It was negative.  I was in my dark bathroom.  I ate more Chiclets.  I got in bed, a little disappointing.  I prayed.  I heard God say…

Do you trust me or not?

I went on an hour and half walk with my mom this morning around Gulf Breeze.  It was wonderful. Came back and just about stepped in the shower when I looked down at that pregnancy test from the night before.  Bright morning light in my bathroom.  In the famous words of Emily Ley, I said..

“What does TWO LINES MEAN!?”

I tried not to get excited.  The second line was faint.  But there.  I took another test.  

TWO LINES !!!!!!  

 !!!!!!!

 !!!!!!!!!!!

 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clear as day.  I fell to the ground, in AWE OF HOW GREAT GOD IS.  I cried and cried – praising Jesus for dying on that cross for all of us, for me, for NEW LIFE.  Oh my word!  I cried and I prayed.  How is this possible!?!  I didn’t know what to do.  I took a shower.  I prayed about what to do.  How exactly does this work God???  What do I say?  Who do I tell?  Is this REAL!?

I wasn’t going to tell my mom.  I wanted to tell Ari in person first when I got home that night from my flight.  But, it just fell out while microwaving oatmeal…

Mom… I’m pregnant

She beamed with joy, hugged me as I cried and said “Oh baby!  You are going to be a wonderful mother!”

On the way to the airport we stopped at my dad’s office to tell him.  He cried and beamed with more joy.  I’ve never seen them so excited.  He is elated.  I don’t know what I was expecting.  But, this is way better.

Flights canceled from weather.  Coincidence?  No.  Another night with my very excited parents : ) So, I told Ari on the phone.  I couldn’t wait. 

I didn’t even know how to write this email. Or if I should send an email. Or get you all on Skype.  Or fly to your houses.  Seriously.  I considered it.  I love you so much that an email or a Skype call or a phone call feels cheap. Or not say anything at all because who knows when God takes these things away…

But now more than ever, I hear Him say…  Do you trust me or not?

I didn’t know how to do this or what to say, but all I can think is – no matter what happens - I’m so grateful to be RIGHT. HERE.  With Him.  With friends who I love with all my heart… that I never thought I’d have.  Thank you for helping to lead me to this day.  A different person than just a year ago.  Thank you for believing in me.  Thank you for the last week and weeks and months leading to today.  I feel ready thanks to God working through YOU to encourage me and teach me.  I hear your words of encouragement in my heart.  Thank you for being patient with me so many times.  Thank you for supporting me.  Thank you for leading with love by example.  I love you to the moon and back.

No matter what happens from here, I am humbled and in AWE…

Lara