Sunday’s are my favorite days.  I look forward to Sunday all week.  I had slept for maybe two hours on Saturday night.  There was just a lot on my mind.  Around 2am, I went into your nursery and tried to rest on the little couch.  For some reason, I felt homesick and I missed your Grandma Celia a lot that night.  I think the reality of birth was starting to wash over me. I want to savor this time and prepare in the best ways possible.  I found a lot of comfort being there in that peaceful room.  But, naturally, you and I are too big to actually sleep on that couch, so I headed back to bed around 4am.  I gently woke up your dad to tell him I couldn’t sleep.  He put his hand on my face and sleepily stroked my hair to comfort me.  Sleep washed over me until the sun rose.  It was Sunday and I was - despite any tired feelings - excited.  Sunday’s win!  I got out of bed and made your dad a cup of steaming hot green tea - his favorite.  The birds were singing and the sun was just peeking through the autumn-hued trees.  I pulled on my (I have now officially stolen it from your dad) North Face hoodie and your dad and I set out for a slow walk around the lake.  I was physically dragging.  The couple days leading up to that moment, my circulation had been terrible.  I almost passed out buying socks at Target.  So, having your dad walk with me was more of a comfort than on any other day.  We walked and talked and I surrendered to what I was feeling.  I try to be as independent as possible.  I try not to need anything from anyone.  But, there are some things I’m starting to need help with these days and things I’m realizing I’ll need help with very soon.  Just typing that makes me cringe a little but that’s exactly why I think this is where God wants me to move right now.  Step into the fear of surrendering to a new life.  I told your dad what I needed.  He was wonderful, of course.  And I officially have to revise what I said about not crying much during pregnancy.  I needed to shed tears yesterday.  For so so so many reasons.  They seemed to spring up like a well.  In the most wonderful, beautiful way, preparing for you means letting go of our former selves.  It means opening myself and being vulnerable in ways I don’t usually feel comfortable.  It means change.  A kind of change I’ve never been through before.  In many ways, the last couple weeks have shown me that it’s time to shed my skin.  I felt such welcome relief as we walked home and talked about how we were both feeling.  We had breakfast and drove to church.  Just walking up to the building makes my heart sing.  I truly believe the happiest people on earth go to church with us : )  They are so full of God’s love and give it away freely.  I walked in knowing that today would be hard for some in that room, though.  I had heard that a sister from church had passed the day before.  She was shot at a local restaurant.  Out of the blue.  No warning.  The church had seen so many pass in the last couple weeks.  Cancer, heart attacks, even an elder at a sister church who was in the middle of preaching a sermon… died preaching the word of God.  So, our wonderful church decided to dedicate yesterday to teaching us what the Bible says about mourning and to helping those in need.  It was a powerful service.  Church always changes me, but this service gave me something unexpected.  It helped me let go even more than I thought was possible.  Your Great Grandpa Cecil’s favorite song, “The Old Rugged Cross”, started to play during communion and the tears just wouldn’t stop.  I wasn’t the only one in that room shedding grateful tears.  I felt God’s peace and a strong sense of trust.  In many ways, I needed to mourn.  I needed to let go so I could let God.  Your dad held my hand tighter and smiled knowingly at me.  Pastor Phil read Romans 12:8-21 and went right into reading the lyrics to Amazing Grace.  I felt God right there with us, so palpable in my heart as the words that make me think of you echoed in the church… I once was lost, but now I’m found.  Was blind but now I see.  Then, Phil said these words that have stuck with me so strongly …  “It’s never too late to change your life.”  We don’t know how long we have on this earth.  Life is short.  Use everything you have.  That service, for so many reasons, was exactly what I needed.  And everything I never knew I needed until that moment.  I needed to let go.  I needed to trust.  I needed to mourn.  Letting go is worth it.  Risk is worth it.  Love is worth it.  To everything there is a season.  This is my season to surrender and open my heart for so much love ahead, Grace.  This is my season to fully TRUST.  God is awesome.  Your dad and I left feeling closer, as always.  And changed.  We headed to Whole Foods for lunch.  I had my favorite sandwich.  It’s come to be the only thing I crave besides ice water.  The lady who makes the sandwiches always gives us a little bit bigger sandwich than normal to help you grow stronger.  She’s excited to meet you too.  Your dad and I talked and laughed and enjoyed the October sun.  Perfect weather. Pumpkins outside. The smell of apple cider and mulling spices.   We came home and washed the clothes you’ll wear home from the hospital.  We successfully installed your car seat together.  Your dad turned on football and, after reading more of Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, I fell asleep.  A long, deep nap.  It was perfect.  When I woke up, the sun was starting to go down and I felt exceedingly grateful.  We are so blessed.  Just to have the gift of a day of rest is something your dad and I thank God for every single week.  We made bison burgers for dinner to try to help me build more red blood cells so I start breathing better.  Then, we walked to the organic frozen yogurt place down the street as the sun went down.  I walked slowly.  OK, waddled slowly : )  We came home, relaxed, read some more and fell asleep.  Today, I woke up feeling the fruits of yesterday.  More ready to let go.  Excited about this new season ahead.  Life is short and I want to use all I have.  I’m so grateful, Grace.  Love, Mom