I walked around the lake by our house this morning in Ari’s big North Face pullover since nothing of mine seems to fit anymore.  The air was crisp and cool and the leaves are changing daily before our eyes.  I love this quote that your Aunt Whitney shared today about looking forward to the future: Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall. - The Great Gatsby  Indeed it does.  The sun glistened on the water and my hopeful outlook suddenly turned into overwhelmed with worry as I thought about the staff meeting I was leading later in the day.  I have the most remarkable women I get to spend my days with.  Truly.  They make my heart very happy.  Yet, defying all logic, the worry crept in.  As much as I am planning and working so hard right now to transition and get things in place… how will I let go of all of my businesses when you come… even for a moment?  How will things run without me?  What will it feel like when I completely turn off my email very soon this month (I am literally taking it off of my phone and shutting down my computer) and turn it 100% over to your amazing Aunt Marissa?   How will the company momentum change without me there to lead 24/7?  Will I miss this wonderful work as much as I expect I will?  And then… your little knee gently bulged from my belly and you kicked me as if to say “Don’t worry, mama!”  My thoughts turned to you.  How will I be as a mother?  Will I love you more than words at every moment?  What will you be like?  What will labor be like?  Who will deliver you?  Will I be able to have a natural birth?  What will the nurses be like?  Will you sleep well?  Will you be healthy?  What will the recovery be like after you are born?  Will I bounce back quickly?  Will I get any postpartum depression?  What color hair will you have!?   SO many questions.  And just then, a text message from a friend.  The most joyful words filled me from top to bottom.  Grace, there are some things that excite me to no end and instantly move me to grateful happy tears: getting to know God more or when someone else discovers His goodness (the text I got was just that. Oh my. God is so good!), truth and transformation and humility (when I really allow myself to drop in and just lay everything at God’s feet or when I see someone else doing that), baptism (instant tears of joy every time!), God’s creation (our neighbor’s roses smell like Heaven right now and I stop to smell them every single day), reconciliation and stepping into fear (yesterday I did something I was really afraid of and it was so worth it), the gift of love (I had a great talk with your Grandma Suzie - Hi Susan! - yesterday that warmed my heart), the care of my friends who love you so dearly (Hi Aunt Jessie, Emily, Marissa, Gina, Nat and so many more!) and getting closer to your dad (who I love getting to hug when I go to my docs appointments at his hospital - like today for my 35 week check-up).  There are many more things, but those are strong on my heart today.  So, I walked.  I worried.  And I got this message from my friend who is getting to know God in a new way.  Oh that joy she is discovering!  I have thought so many times that I wished I had discovered that great joy earlier in my life.  If I had just one wish it would be to not have placed so much value in my life on things that really are fleeting.  I don’t need to list them.  There are too many things I put above God before.  And I pray every day that God keeps revealing these things to me more and more so I can let go of them.  I pray for daily change and transformation.  I crave it because it genuinely fills me with more joy and consistent peace than I ever thought possible.  I’m lighter with every step.  I pray, amidst mistakes and “failures”, to fix my eyes on the prize.  The prize that really matters.  Because, Grace, it was no fun being stuck in things that kept me from a real relationship with God.  Plain and simple.  I thought I had it all.  Somehow, having you grow in my belly has made me think of these things so much more lately.  I replay so many memories.  In high school, college, early in business, even up to last year… I thought I knew what joy was.  Looking back, I just didn’t.  Not consistently anyway.  There were certainly moments and I’m so grateful for every bit of the path God carved for me.  Lately, somehow, the big picture is becoming so much clearer.  Your Grandma Celia always told me that my 30’s would be the best time of my life.  I didn’t believe her, but now I do.  (Thanks, Mom.  I love you so much!)  I’m not sure if age is a factor, but I feel like the best parts of my life are just beginning : )    Despite any challenges we face, this path gets more exciting every day.  And there are some big challenges, Gracie.  But, nothing that God can’t instantly turn to joy with the unexpected… something as simple as a text message.  My worry left.  I looked up to the Carolina blue sky and grateful tears welled in my eyes.  I smiled as big as ever and couldn’t help but sing along to what was playing in my ears:  Dear God by Smokie Norful.   For my life, Lord, I thank you…  Fear fled and the water glistened brighter.  A flock of geese flew in formation and landed ever-so-perfectly together on the beaming water.  My heart suddenly beamed like that glistening water!  On the day we celebrated your Great Grandpa Cecil’s amazing humble life, a flock of geese flew in formation over where he was being buried.  I will never forget that sight and that feeling of peace in my heart.  The peace that passes all understanding.  That same peace washed over me as those geese landed gently on the lake this morning.  It is well with my soul.  Truly, everything is going to be alright.  Perfect in fact.  Why?  Because of one simple fact: I’m not the one in control.  He is.  I pray so hard every day that you know from the moment you arrive that God loves you and that those three words are not just a popular phrase.  They are real and active and true.  I love you, amazing Grace.  How sweet the sound.  Love, Mom